Smile, you're beautiful.

And I’m almost there.

But knowing that you’re watching over me makes everything okay.

In loving memory of you, I dedicate today to you.
Without you, there’s always going to be someone important missing in my life.
But I know, you’re just up there keeping me company.

Good morning world,

It has been a long time coming since I last posted however to be utterly honest- I don’t have much to update anyone on.
My life is how the way it is. I cannot say it is the way I imagined or planned my life concluding university would be like because I did not plan or imagine anything.
I see my future as a blank piece of canvas. It is the extent and effort to draw and paint in colors, textures and dimensions. You are the leader and master of your own destiny.
However, we are constantly surrounded by outsides noises which can affect your choices on the paths you are meant to walk across.
The paths is your dreams and reality may never cross over, but if you never try- you never know.
For the moment though, my mind, future and determination are blank.

I’m still yet to figure out what I want to draw on my canvas.

Good luck.

Life isn’t so bad when you have parents who are mildly cool and pretty understanding.
Life is good when you have friends who have the same lame humor as you.
Life is pretty good when you know you have a couple of best friends who you know will be there for you no matter what.
Life is great when you have those things.

I’m grateful.
Without everything, I wouldn’t be who I am. There’s no way without my parents I could graduate. There’s no way without my best friends I would have gone through all obstacles the way I did. There’s nothing I could do to be more grateful, except be a better person.

Stop dwelling. Keep moving forward.
And your world can only become brighter. 😊

I’ve always had the tendency to be indecisive, different and constantly changing lifestyles or friendship groups.
But as I slowly settle down for what I have, I realize S was right- you can’t find someone until you’ve figured yourself out. You can’t expect someone to know you, if you don’t know what you want.

I am slowly trying to understand what I want and who I am. Give me some time, I’ll get back to you on who I really and truly am.

10 more days. Maybe this trip will teach me. Show me. Enlighten me.
Ill come back. Being more firm and sure over who I am. I … Hope.

What lies above and beneath the surface could be two totally different situations. I often question why a difference between what seems to be true and what really exists, exists. I do not understand why people can betray or think of ways to lower others. I do not understand why there can be so much hatred in this world. It seems like our world is drowned by hatred, pain and devastation. Where were the days were happiness ruled the universe and spun with glory. Gone are the days where everything was perfect. Don’t doubt it, I did NOT live the “perfect” childhood. I often yearned for a sibling, and was forced to reject treats of ice cream, oranges and soda because of my health conditions as a child. I was THE under-acheiver. I was THE “bad” kid. But there was no such thing as betrayal or hatred. I couldn’t fully understand the definition of “emotion pain”. Be gone the good days, I can only pray to the Gods that those days will return.

Never turn your back on the ones you love. Never let what stays on the surface affect what you feel. It’s affected me, and I am unable to detach myself. I have no choice.

But if you do, let what lives beneath come alive. And erase the surface.

I’ve never ever been a fan of being busy, I’ve always enjoyed lazing around and having nothing to do at all. But after weeks of holidays, I actually am sick of being too free. Yes, there’s a feeling of being TOO free. I’ve resorted to learning how to cook, inspired by masterchef) and helping out at world vision. It’s good developed skills you never had. I now can cook an apple pie, pasta carbonara, badly ice cupcakes, and learnt how certificate of appreciations are made, call random organizations, and how to write random formal letters. Maybe this is the phase of passage of growing into an adult.

I miss being a kid though.

Our innocent dreams reveal itself to us subtly, and little do we know that we are living our wildest dreams.

4 years ago, I could only dream of being accepted in UWA to begin my life as a commerce student I am now a fresh graduate, jobless. But though this within itself is depressing, I feel like i’ve acheived something I was always expected to completed and I lived up to expectations, for once.

But even after all this, it’s my parents and handful of close friends I call my chosen family who I know will always sipport me and stand by my side to guide me in every step of my journey.

I am happy to be going back in November, but I am even more excited to return to Singapore to see some of the people I will always remember. They have put up with my grumbling for over a decade. We’ve gone a long way.

(:

I hate making decisions. Wow, on my way to last second last exam for my Bachelor’s, feels kinda weird. This may well be the last time I’ll need to worry about Abnormal Earnings Growth, Return on Operating Assets or reformulate any statements. Hopefully it’ll be a good exam to put an end to my Financial Accounting major!

Ciao!

Vick,

Everyone has their own way of missing you, of honoring you and different ways of reliving the moments we spent with you. For me, I always wrote to you my deepest thanks, appreciation and all the things I couldn’t string out through my vocal cords, into words. From the very card you kept in your room that I wrote you, to blog posts I always adressed to you. And tonight- it will be the same very way I’ll write to you.

Today, you’re 21. You may not be here physically, but you’re still older in my heart. I know that years on, you’ll still always be by my side. Watching me from above and always protecting me from things you always saved me from. You always forgave my silly mistakes, and always understood me inside out. I could always tell you my deepest secrets, and rely on you for the strongest shoulder to lean on. I cannot thank you enough, a lifetime of thank you’s is just not enough. I will always remember the time you spent with me, doing all the crazy things noone else would, always opening your warm heart to me, and accepting my flaws. When there was noone I could turn to, I know I had you. I had you vick, for so many years. I thank God for letting me get close to you, and it was fate that put us in all the same classes that year. That year it was, year 10. Everything changed. We were best friends, and to me- still am. Throughout the years, we would drift apart but there was still a special bond. A bond I will find with noone but you.

You said to me once, that you understood that even though we’ve drifted apart- you still loved me and our memories won’t seperate us. You told me to stop saying goodbye. You told me to be strong. You said I was your Asian. And to me, you’re my blond girl.

You’ll be proud, I didn’t cry today. I wanted to make you proud. I know i can’t be there with the others, but to me you’re ever so alive in my heart.

Happy birthday Vicki, I miss you more than ever and the words, stories, tears, and happiness I want to share with you in neverending. But one thing for sure，i know you’re watching over me and not missing any moment from my life.

The skies were gloomy today, I know you were still hiding within the clouds. You’re just trying to protect us from crying and to honour you.

Missing you. nanananana batmannnnnn!

your asian, and yours only. Von [ yes. I’ll only spell Von with one n, for you. ]

Love you always. xx